800
on the male loneliness epidemic
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
Show transcript
Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:
when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence
Another way to put it is that our culture is creating a lot of men who no one wants to be around. Who either don't see themselves as needing to be likable or who see being likable as something that goes completely against their identity -- something that is 'impossible' for them that they refuse to work on.
A lot of this may be tied to ideas of masculinity that see social awareness, empathy and cooperation as feminine traits since 'tough guys' in media can get 'respect' and attention despite eschewing all of those traits.
If you feel particularly lacking in those traits, it can feel very reassuring to tell yourself you can't work on those things and it's unfair to be judged or suffer consequences for deficiencies in them - because there is no escaping the sense of vulnerability one feels when trying to build up something one is weak in.
So we end up with a lot of guys who are sullen about being miserable and being miserable to be around.
These guys have a lot of hard work ahead of them. The first big hurdle is accepting that they have to be responsible for becoming people that others like being around - and getting over their safety blanket idea that they 'can't' so they shouldn't bother.