801
on the male loneliness epidemic
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
Show transcript
Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:
when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence
Cool i do all that but im still autisitc and have no charisma, do not get approached by anyone and dont approach others since i respect boundaries.
ASD can be a challenge, for sure. "dont approach others since i respect boundaries" is the thing you need to change: respecting boundaries doesn't mean never talking to someone, it means allowing them to set boundaries.
A simple way to do this is, "hi I'm gmtom. Mind if I sit here?" Sitting next to someone is generally understood as an invitation to talk.
You could also try leaning into the ASD a little: "hi I'm gmtom and my special interest is arachnids. [smile, because you are making fun of yourself a little] Want to hear some neat facts about spiders?"
However you introduce yourself, the way you respect boundaries is that when they say, "no." You reply, "OK," and leave.
If you don't feel confident about reading peoples' body language, I would also try to check in every so often. Again, you can try owning the autism: "I'm autistic and can't read your body language very well. Am I boring you or is this cool?" And again, respecting boundaries means you accept it if they say "I don't want to talk anymore."
You will not succeed every time. Meeting people and making friends is a lot of work and takes practice (like: how much talking vs listening should you do? There's no one correct answer, unfortunately). Charismatic people got a head start from their brain-types during childhood, but they are charismatic because they keep meeting and talking with new people to exercise their skills.
Just chiming into say from a platonic bonding perspective, I'd totally be down for someone to approach me with spider facts in tow.