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How do you handle being upset about something online?
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Something that really helped me on this front (that's carried over to the way Lemmy is built, too) is that nested comments get less and less visible. At some point, it really is just you and the other person arguing and no one else is even watching. When I ask myself the question "is this really someone I want a one-on-one conversation with?" the answer is almost always no.
It's really limited my back-and-forth to one, maybe two responses from me per exchange (bad or good). It clearly defines an endpoint to the conversation, and if there's something I really feel like I have to say, it's gotta be in that first or second reply. That habit has helped me so much.