Lol my mom told me she regretted giving birth to me because I expressed suicidal thoughts.

I came from a "communist" country where there was a strict birth control policy because of thr fears of overpopulation, I was the second child my mother illegally gave birth to. So she said because she broke the law to have me and had to pay huge fines, that I owe her or something. And even my grandmother said I owe my mom for risking legal punishment to give birth to me. And that suicide is cowardly and disrespectful/ungrateful for her "sacrifices" and if she had known about my thoughts, she wouldn't have "wasted so much resources" on me.

Bro, I really wanna be that type of dipshit kid and say: "well if you have me so much, then maybe the party should've forcibly sterilized you before you gave birth to me", but I just ended up crying and have an existential crisis, my birth wasn't even supposed to happen, the fucking government literally hated my existence anyways, rejected my existence, I'm just another anomaly, born only out of sheer luck, the card were never really stacked in my favor to begin with. I think all the bad luck I'm getting might be just nature trying to course correct, to get rid of me, the anamaly.