Low self-esteem will do some shit to you. I just heard about a friend who's a lovely person by any standards, just a great gal, but who was bullied relentlessly as a teenager because she has kind of a lisp and a few acne scars, and has a really warped perception of herself.

She's now living with the first man she ever dated (they started dating in her 20s), who was always an unpleasant guy to me, but who seemed to keep it to himself, and made her happy. Lately, this guy lost his job, likely because of struggling with addiction, so now he stays at home smoking crack and getting drunk every day.

Last time my friends went to visit her, she was on edge all the time, her hands were shaking, she just seemed like she was really frazzled. They asked her if she was doing ok, and apparently she's developed IBS because of the stress of her job and not being able to relax in her own home, so she can barely eat anything. He's constantly demanding she give him money for drugs and alcohol, leaving home and coming back completely wasted. She's worried she might lose her job soon because of the stress, and what he'll do once they have no income. They pointed that all of this were huge red flags and that she should flee this situation ASAP. Her response was "he loves me, who's going to love me after? I don't want to lose the only person who's ever loved me".

What do you say to that? We're checking on her and reminding her she has friends and family who love her, but until she doesn't realize she is worthy of non-abusive love, there's nothing we can do other than being there for her. And it's really hard to break those very ingrained beliefs. I've been working on it for years and I still think i'm a piece of shit lol.

Yeah I figured that's more or less what you meant, I just felt the need to make that point since we are one of the most active instances

It's more for the people coming from other instances, not comrades <3