The part about asking the question "I stopped caring about the consequences of my actions" really resonates. I was a depressed teen and sadness and hopelessness was killing me so as a coping mechanism I stopped caring about the consequences of my actions or anything in the world. This helped protect me from a lot of the sadness but let to more violent, risky and destructive behavior. I felt unlocked and like I could do anything because nothing mattered. I kept using the reasoning "well before I wanted to kill myself so this is an improvement and I can't end up worse off" Dangerous mentality to have.

I've also never understood what people expect when they tell you to "get help" from who no one gives a fuck its only me looking out for me.