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this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2023
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Couple weeks ago I helped a friend escape a DV situation too, although it wasn't a "house and a farm", more of an "apartment". Still, he had wrecked the place so my spouse and I spent a week cleaning it and organizing my friend's stuff (and my spouse continued for another week after I had to go back to work). We found evidence of a lot of horrible shit this guy did that he left behind, but our friend didn't want to harm him or something so we respected her wishes on that not going to the police. (Who probably wouldn't have done anything anyways)
It was exhausting, emotionally draining, hard work but I was glad to do it, I imagine you feel similarly
I have accompanied my friend to the DV support office today and listened through a detailed account of what he did. It's tough to listen to. Tough to come to terms with the fact that there is so little actual help available, and all of it is excruciatingly slow to arrive and locked behind bureaucratic barriers. Tough to come to terms with the fact that so many women, myself included, easily fall prey to bullshit artists on a power trip, or man sized toddlers with puppy eyes, or a mix of the two. And it's always women who I would have thought far beyond such situations. I feel I still haven't understood what went on inside of myself as I lived through this shit and didn't leave, and I haven't understood what happens inside of these guys, how they can turn from decent person into absolute shitshow within days or months.
I expect to see rather more of this as people get driven to the edge by the ongoing financial, social, political crisis all around us.