Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.
That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
That is nothing short of a gut punch. Don't be surprised if you feel as though someone died, because in a way they did: the image you had of your wife, the woman you believed you knew but apparently did not. You thought you were going to be married for life, or at least for a very long time, and now that is just as gone as if she'd been run over by a truck. Your life, as you have known it, just exploded, even when there's no one to blame. Don't make it worse by underestimating it, and thus overestimating your own ability to take it.
It is totally understandable that you're struggling to function right now. This is far more than a changing of roles, even if outwardly that's exactly what it is. Inwardly, your entire universe just tilted on its axis in a way you never even imagined. It's going to take a while to feel right again. And while you may not be angry right now, you are probably going to experience some intense anger later, as well as other unexpected reactions, and these may come as a shock when they arrive, so just know in advance you're going to be going through some changes with this so that you're not floored when they come.
You are in a place right now where talk therapy -- counseling -- would be extremely helpful for you. You can't speed up the grieving process, but you can get mired down in it. A good counselor can keep you moving through it, as well as provide a safe place every week where you can just tell the truth about where you are and how you're doing, and they listen, and they help you remember your deeper truths, the ones that didn't change, while you make your way through this mess to the new normal. You can start it and stop it whenever you like; it's not like you're subscribed. But a good one is worth their weight in gold for where you are right now. (Note: unless you know for a fact you share their faith and beliefs, I'd actively ask and specifically avoid any "faith-based" counselors right now.)
But if you can't or don't want to pursue counseling, at least be sure to care for yourself. Take care of your body and your health. Get sleep (that might be your first goal, if you need to rearrange sleeping quarters from a shared bed). Exercise -- moving around -- even long walks help a lot. Don't worry about any of the extras, doing the bare minimum is fine when that's all you can do. Right now, making it through the days is a big accomplishment, and while you won't get any awards for it, just getting through this moment really IS a big fucking deal.
You were you before her, you were you with her, now you have to find who you are after her. And you will. It's just hard. I'm glad you reached out here for some support. You're not alone.