Well, a lot of downer comments here in a way, so even though you probably don't need it maybe, here's a half glass full ego boost for you:

Apparently you're such an amazing guy, you made a lesbian think she's bi so strongly she went as far as marrying you. Like, you must be charismatic, kind, and charming as heck for it to have gone that far, if you think about it. An asshole dude on the other hand would have caused her to doubt she was ever bi.

So yeah, at least I think it's safe to say if you ever do get in another relationship with someone more hetero, it should be very likely to be a great success. And, you still come out of this with potentially a best friend too while at it.

That must suck for you OP, but credit to you for being such a stand up guy about it. The fact that you haven’t even hinted as to any sort of ego bruising as a result of this shows a level of emotional maturity that’s uncommon and admirable. I wish you luck if you decide to hit the dating scene down the line.

That is nothing short of a gut punch. Don't be surprised if you feel as though someone died, because in a way they did: the image you had of your wife, the woman you believed you knew but apparently did not. You thought you were going to be married for life, or at least for a very long time, and now that is just as gone as if she'd been run over by a truck. Your life, as you have known it, just exploded, even when there's no one to blame. Don't make it worse by underestimating it, and thus overestimating your own ability to take it.

It is totally understandable that you're struggling to function right now. This is far more than a changing of roles, even if outwardly that's exactly what it is. Inwardly, your entire universe just tilted on its axis in a way you never even imagined. It's going to take a while to feel right again. And while you may not be angry right now, you are probably going to experience some intense anger later, as well as other unexpected reactions, and these may come as a shock when they arrive, so just know in advance you're going to be going through some changes with this so that you're not floored when they come.

You are in a place right now where talk therapy -- counseling -- would be extremely helpful for you. You can't speed up the grieving process, but you can get mired down in it. A good counselor can keep you moving through it, as well as provide a safe place every week where you can just tell the truth about where you are and how you're doing, and they listen, and they help you remember your deeper truths, the ones that didn't change, while you make your way through this mess to the new normal. You can start it and stop it whenever you like; it's not like you're subscribed. But a good one is worth their weight in gold for where you are right now. (Note: unless you know for a fact you share their faith and beliefs, I'd actively ask and specifically avoid any "faith-based" counselors right now.)

But if you can't or don't want to pursue counseling, at least be sure to care for yourself. Take care of your body and your health. Get sleep (that might be your first goal, if you need to rearrange sleeping quarters from a shared bed). Exercise -- moving around -- even long walks help a lot. Don't worry about any of the extras, doing the bare minimum is fine when that's all you can do. Right now, making it through the days is a big accomplishment, and while you won't get any awards for it, just getting through this moment really IS a big fucking deal.

You were you before her, you were you with her, now you have to find who you are after her. And you will. It's just hard. I'm glad you reached out here for some support. You're not alone.

The last woman I messed around with before realizing I was gay was essentially perfect. She was nice, healthy, great smile, genuine, fun... My lack of sexual attraction feelings for her were what convinced me I was gay. It was like "Well, if this isn't doing it for me, there's no bisexuality in my future." Your wife probably really liked you and thought were perfect, and probably someone other woman will think you're perfect too in the future. Your wife was just gay, and probably wished she liked you because you're so perfect, probably felt like maybe she could make it work because you're so great.

I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy.

Your marriage may be finished, but you are an amazing human being and you succeed at being a good person. I'm sorry for your situation, it sucks, but with time you both will be okay and find new respect for each other. Sending Internet hugs.

Good luck, bud. That's not easy, but if you found one, you'll find another.

She told me she still loved me... that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard.... I’m not angry with her... It isn’t anyone’s fault.

You've already vocalised all the important stuff you need, right there.

If my girlfriend suddenly came out as gay I would probably have an emotional breakdown, I can't imagine what you're going through. Big ups for being a genuine giga-chad about it though.

Hey OP, I can't say I understand the hurt you must be going through but just know that you're a damn good human being and it will get better man.

I know it hurts a lot right now. At the same time it is a huge compliment that she chose you as her last try. You got to be amazing.

I've had this happen, I know exactly where you are. Only difference was that he came to the conclusion months before I was let in on it and was not given the chance to discuss it before he broke things off and assured me it was well, well over.

My heart goes out. It's heartbreaking. You're doing this right. It's hard but your heart is in the right place through the pain.

I'm cheering for you from over here. Keep being amazing.

I strongly recommend watching "Priscilla: Queen of the Desert" as a cathartic road trip Aussie comedy palate cleanser.

I think you're taking things the right way. It's okay to feel hurt because honestly it does suck, but it is just life. Sometimes bad things happen and it's no one's fault.

It sounds like it would have been easier had she been more upfront, but when someone is going through an identity crisis like that, sometimes they just don't know. Sexuality is a fickle topic with no clear dividing lines, so sometimes it just takes people a while to figure it out/deprogram/come to terms with who they are.

I certainly don't think you've done anything wrong OP, nor does it sound like she did.

But it's okay to be upset, and I don't think you should bury that feeling just for the sake of being stoic (not to say you are, just in general). Hopefully you can still rely on each other as you work through things emotionally, and remain amicable going forward.

I don't have anything to add except that you legit are so attractive you turned someone bisexual for awhile.

You do have all the bragging rights. Every "my X is so Y that..." joke is now fair game. (I guess I might give it time before in front of her, of course.)

I hope you are able to delight in this later, with some distance, and after your next chapter starts.

In the meantime, hang in there. We're pulling for you.

You sound like a good dude. Similarly, my best friend came out to me as trans a few years ago, and was terrified of their wife's potential reaction (I was the first one to know, and I'm glad they have that level of trust in me). In their situation it was a lot of worry for nothing, as the wife is pan, but still scary and stressful ('what if') for them. I imagine it was a similar emotional situation for you two.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, though it seems like you are doing the best that you can. Stay strong.

I was her last chance in regards to men

Might have been nice to mention this a year before the wedding rather than a year after.

I’m not angry with her, and we’re not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that’s life sometimes. It isn’t anyone’s fault.

Idk. It's nice to say this sort of thing generically. And if your friendship can survive the end of the relationship, that's healthy and good. But you've got every right to feel angry over what was an insincere commitment not a year earlier.

Don't feel that her revealed sexuality voids your right to your own feelings. For friends and family, grin and bare it. But for an intimate partner, keeping this kind of thing so late into the relationship is a kind of infidelity. The last thing you should feel is shame over your anger or your grief.

Good luck on the path forward. I hope you've got a circle of family and friends you can lean on along the way.

I'm stunned no one has questions. On reflection, were there any signs that may have indicated this? Did either of you initiate more in the bedroom or seem more into it than the other or was it about even? Was either more into the other person, putting more into the relationship, or more interested in marriage or was it equally reciprocated & mutual?

Feel free not to answer.

This would be a very convenient time to discover you're trans

I head a very similar situation start roughly 7-8 years ago. She came out as lesbian after assessing the possibility of being bi, and i was struggling myself with also the possibility of being gay. I primarily identify as ace, so plenty of confusion. I settled with bi for now, but anyway, she fully publicly came out in 2019 and got nothing but support, except from my family. They are currently no-contact for many reasons. There were a lot of rollercoaster emotions overall.

Anywho, were still besties, and we have a house that we share, and she just got engaged to her true love, and i can't be happier for them. We're in the midst of a very amicable divorce (nothing to split and no kids), and it's been kinda nice to be solo

I know this is a more peculiar situation, but it worked out in the end 😁