Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.
That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
I think you're taking things the right way. It's okay to feel hurt because honestly it does suck, but it is just life. Sometimes bad things happen and it's no one's fault.
It sounds like it would have been easier had she been more upfront, but when someone is going through an identity crisis like that, sometimes they just don't know. Sexuality is a fickle topic with no clear dividing lines, so sometimes it just takes people a while to figure it out/deprogram/come to terms with who they are.
I certainly don't think you've done anything wrong OP, nor does it sound like she did.
But it's okay to be upset, and I don't think you should bury that feeling just for the sake of being stoic (not to say you are, just in general). Hopefully you can still rely on each other as you work through things emotionally, and remain amicable going forward.
I have held it in a little bit, but mostly out of need to. I have definitely cried whenever I've had the opportunity to.
I don't blame her with taking her time to figure it out, and I'm happy that she trusted me enough to even tell me. She deserves credit for that.
Figuring these things out is hard. It can take years, even decades, to really know yourself.
She has made an important discovery worth celebrating. It’s just really unfortunate that it also resulted in a tragedy like this. It’s a mixed bag, so having mixed feelings is okay.
Try to process those emotions. Name them. Experience them. Let them do what emotions do. They will pass sooner or later, and it’s all very human. Once you know your emotions, they won’t control you.