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this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2026
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Asklemmy
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I would like to know how much time you actually spend with your girlfriend, because from what I see here... yeah. You're not being a good partner.
She tells you she want to be more of a priority and get more time and attention from you, and your solution is to tell her she can get time with you when your actual priority (Max) is busy. That's exactly the issue - you choose Max over her when there is a choice, and only choose her when there are no "better" opinions because Max is busy.
Not to mention choosing TV over your girlfriend.
Based on this, you need to think about whether you actually have time and space in your life for your girlfriend and if you are willing to prioritise being a good partner. Maybe you are happy with your life as it is and don't actually want to change it to incorporate a romantic partner. That's absolutely fine, but be honest about it and don't try to have your cake and eat it too. Relationship takes time and work, no one can keep their life and routines as is and add a partner without making changes to incorporate the relationship. Do you like her enough to choose her and be her partner, not as a label but as a way of life?
Asking ones parter to be part of their life and be more of a priority is not "drama", saying that sounds really dismissive and that is quite often used to keep women quiet and shamed, so be mindful of how you perceive your own girlfriend. No one is immune to internalising sexism regardless of gender.
Of course there is the possibility that you already call her an hour every day and she's being unreasonable in you wanting ten min to talk to your friend (with the four hour chat being the only time you talked longer than that), if so disregard the above.
I don’t call her at all. We regularly call, me and Max, for 4+ hours maybe 3 at the lowest. I love her because I am attracted to her but I love Max also
Attraction is not love, not enough for a relationship.
She can tell that you don't care about her enough, but since youre in a relationship you say that you do... so she must be really confused and suffering because she either denies the validity of your relationship or denies what she knows is true about your lack of care for her. Should she trust you or her own senses, you know...
Surely you can see how mean it is to put someone through that? To trap her in a relationship where you don't want to be her actual partner and love all of her?
Yeah, I see that. But to be honest, I only really think about Max, Nichole (my GF) sometimes