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this post was submitted on 15 Mar 2026
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Asklemmy
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That sounds pretty grim and I'm sorry it happened to you. Having to be strong for other people is damned tiring.
I'm no psychologist, but that sounds a lot like depression and if so, would explain why there's little passion to be found at such a time. Certainly when I've had periods of clinical depression, life was pretty damned bleak for a while. As you say, you can't chase happiness or force it to happen. Anti depressants helped me, but I found that they certainly didn't encourage passion or enjoyment in anything as they takes away the highs as well as the lows.
Sounds like you've got a good partner and that's half the battle. I hope things improve for you soon.
Thank you for your kind words, my friend 🤗
You're definitely right that I was depressed at some point. There are months of 2024 that I don't have any recollection of. Those months scared my boyfriend more than after I snapped and I was full of negative emotions. At least by then, I was present and feeling things. During the blackout months I just sat in the same corner and stared into space when I didn't work or sleep. Almost like I was a tool that was left in a corner when it wasn't being used.
I'm very lucky I have my boyfriend. You're completely correct that he's a good partner. He is fantastic and one of the best human beings I have ever known.
I do think I'm better nowadays. We moved to a bigger and better place recently and it's so nice to finally have a home and not just be in some temporary location while life tosses you around. I think that within the next year or so, I'll be back to myself and be more creative again. It's already happening a little bit even though I still don't have any energy to enjoy my passion. I feel inspired and that's a massive step compared to where I was only a few months ago.
I'm also sorry to hear that you have struggled with depression, my friend. And a bad case by the sounds of it. And your description of anti depressants is very relatable. I was on some of those way back in my youth when I was struggling way more than I am now, so I know how much they can just iron you out for better and for worse. I hope you have good people in your life too, who have your back. I'm also genuinely happy to read about how passionate you are about your job/hobby. That's the kind of life I wish every person was blessed enough to get to experience, because man, when things are good, it's just the most enjoyable and fulfilling way to live. ❤️ I wish you nothing but the best!