Finally, after almost two years of waiting, my insurance cleared me to do a neuropsychological assessment. After ten sessions speaking with a specialist, she diagnosed me as 2e, gifted and ADHD. Yay.

I was pretty certain that I had ADHD, but I also thought I might be on the autism spectrum. This is a very important result for me, because in case I ever need to find a new psychiatrist I won't have to go through that old loop of being treated like a drug addict because I want ADHD medication. Lisdexamphetamine works extremely well for me, and it would be a shame if I had to stop taking it.

I have to admit I was surprised at her assessment that I'm not autistic. I scored pretty high on the RAADS-R and I notice several aspects of autism in my behavior. It would explain many things. However, she thinks I am... gifted.

Let me tell you folks, I need some help with that. I hadn't thought about this before, and I'm really sorry to say this, because I feel like I'm really close to being ableist here, but... I hate being gifted. The reason why I say that is that I had never really considered what it looks like to even discuss giftedness.

I've been online for a couple of years, lurking in spaces that discussed neurodiversity, this site included, and I found these spaces to be full of incredibly cool people. Open-minded, welcoming, warm people who want to share their experience being neurodivergent. People who discuss ADHD and autism not as something to be ashamed of, but as a unique part of their own identity.

But then when I look for communities dedicated to gifted people, I might as well be trying to browse a MENSA forum. Everywhere I looked it was always a gaggle of people humblebragging about their IQ and how it's so difficult to be so much deeper than everyone around you. The "highest IQ" people were out there saying the dumbest shit I had ever seen.

That's when I realized that I don't even know how to talk about this. Neurotypical people are largely open to discussing autism and ADHD. Nowadays, with increasing awareness of the implications of neurodivergence, I find that people have become increasingly open-minded and willing to learn about how to accommodate the needs that neurodivergent people might have.

However, how am I supposed to tell people that I'm gifted without sounding like an asshole? According to this assessment, I have a very high IQ, but that's not something I feel comfortable discussing with most people. I will talk openly about my ADHD, but it really sucks that this other aspect of my brain that I'm so eager to discuss and learn more about has to be kept under wraps, because otherwise people will think I'm an arrogant prick.

I hope you folks understand. How do you even deal with a giftedness assessment? What's your experience talking about it with people who are less informed about neurodivergence, and do not understand the negative side of giftedness? It honestly feels like the loneliest part of my brain.

Also, one last thing. My personality assessment had a category of traits related to openness, as in the Big Five personality model. Within this category, there's a trait identified as liberalism, and I'm in the 80th percentile for that. I believe this means I've been officially diagnosed as the least liberal person on this website.