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What if? (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
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[-] ExcessShiv@lemmy.dbzer0.com -1 points 2 months ago

I mean...ADHD or not, your life is generally in your own hands, both successes and failures are your "fault". The ADHD doesn't take the responsibility, it only adds context.

[-] toad@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Yes and no. I knew a guy that was biking and had an accident. He lost his legs. He because an athlete, did sailing and climbed mountain and stuff. He still couldn't use a normal bike. Do you get what I mean? You can do self-help as much as you want but you can't ask a blind person to look at the sky.

Or more like you can ask, but you'll probably get a blank stare.

Sorry for the bad joke

[-] brrt@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 months ago

Yeh people with ADHD could just educate their parents and teachers about how their brains work differently. And how do they not just diagnose themselves and get the meds to function in a society that is clearly not made for them to succeed. Total failure that’s entirely their fault.

[-] ExcessShiv@lemmy.dbzer0.com -3 points 2 months ago

There are still people with (varying degrees of) ADHD that are both normally successful or wildly successful. They did this likely not despite their ADHD but because of it. They probably grew up in an environment that allowed them to find a positive outlet for themselves so they achieved behavioral patterns that utilized it to drive them forward instead of it getting in the way.

[-] snooggums@piefed.world 2 points 2 months ago

If they are wildly successful they were most likely born rich like the vast majority of wildly successful people. That would be the environment where they can succeed despite barriers. ADHD does not promote effort, the inability to stay focused and succeed is one of the criteria.

ADHD does let me think creatively about stuff because my mind races about all the possibilities and make uncommon connections, but that is because of all the coping mechanisms I have had to develop while working in a society that absolutely crushes people with the symptoms of ADHD. If autopay wasn't a thing I would be missing bills constantly for example, it is a work around for the tediously large number of things that society expects everyone to remember and manage.

[-] Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago

Context, which can be translated to useful keywords and traits to use for self discovery. Primarily for learning about the coping mechanisms that others have successfully deployed but also to ease the sort of negative thoughts in the last part of this post.

[-] KindnessIsPunk@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The worse part is when you get so good at coping that others don't see the work that goes in just to function in a society built to your disadvantage.

[-] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 months ago

Ugh, I hate that! Thank you for putting that into words. It's always been this vague frustration that I could never quite explain to people.

Like, if all the hard work and progress I've made only goes so far as to rule out any sympathy or benefit of the doubt whenever my obstacles become insurmountable, then I guess I'll just fuck off and not even try anymore...

[-] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 months ago

Yes! And then whenever an online community springs up centering around solidarity, peer support, or advocacy pertaining to the common mental disorder, the same crowd who complains about avocado toast and rotisserie chicken get up in arms about "labels" becoming a "trend."

Like, no it's not a fucking trend. Some people deal with these illnesses every fucking day, and it's totally okay for them to talk about it online with other people who understand the experience. Outsiders looking in just think they're conforming to what the internet says about the traits, but the reality is that some people have these traits and have to live with them every day.

Clusters of traits get identified by researchers and standardized in the DSM, and that gives people the language and toolkit they need to understand themselves and talk about it with others. It's descriptive rather than prescriptive.

These descriptions pop up online because that's what some people experience. People aren't retrofitting their experience just to conform to an internet trope, like some folks claim. But someone who hasn't experienced that or been close to someone who has will never understand that.

And unfortunately, some people who are close to someone with a mental disorder are still skeptical and dismissive of them. It's really frustrating, and damaging too, because it's essentially gaslighting someone who's already mentally ill by saying they're actually fine and just need to stop being annoying, suck it up and "just be normal." For fuck's sake!

[-] Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 2 months ago

The best part is how it can cause one to develop any of a number of co-morbid mental issues and then those people will see that and try and force the adhd person to cure what is essentially a symptom of the adhd they won't acknowledge.

As someone presumably older than you, I would urge people in that situation to separate from those people. The lonilness of your own mind is superior to their toxicity. Take the time to find yourself as you are without these people loading you up with self doubt.

Most adhd people find adhd, true adhd people make the easiest friends. Find those people, they will not doubt you. Any reject yours and their adhd would clearly be suffering from one of those co-morbids.

[-] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 month ago

Oh yeah, I'm comorbidities-R-us, so much that I can't talk about it or else people start to think I'm just trying to collect psychiatric disorders like badges. It's really invalidating, especially when people hardly believe me even when I just talk about one!

And I don't presume to know your age, but don't assume mine; I've been around more than a couple decades, and I was alive in a previous millenium. I've had a journey and then some.

this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2026
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