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this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2023
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On the chance that you're a fellow neurodivergent, I'm going to share something I discovered after moving back in with my mom. We neurodivergents think of information like one might think of rock collecting. We collect information, compare its shininess and smoothness to other pieces of information, roll it over in our hands. We're eager to show information to people, and eager when someone shows us a new piece of information. Anyone enlightening us has our full attention and enthusiasm. And when we get corrected? That is the smoothest, shiniest stone. We collect that voraciously.
But 1) not everyone shares our information-collecting obsession. And 2) everyone has a weakness to their own special kind of rock -- their own, private kryptonite. And we neurodivergents tend to ignore the pain when we pick up our own kryptonite because we figure "information is always good (even if it hurts)."
But it's not good to expose a person to the information that is their kryptonite. Even our fellow neurodivergents, who will be begging us, "please, bring it closer! Knowledge is power! I must grow!"
As a neurodivergent, you must learn which rocks are kryptonite to which people. You must learn to withhold extremely relevant information in the exact conversations when it's most pertinent -- and do so precisely because its pertinence is why it's kryptonite to the person. And you must learn to do so even with fellow neurodivergents.
Acceptable:
Unacceptable:
If you want to discuss the "unacceptable" topics with people, you must look up street epistemology. But keep in mind as you learn it: discussing these topics productively will actually be painful for you if you're a neurodivergent. As you perform street epistemology, you will be asking questions, and the person answering you will be espousing an unbearable symphony of incorrect beliefs.
And you will have to hold back your urge to say, "well, actually" dozens of times a minute, maintaining an outwardly calm appearance and somehow focusing on your next question in the middle of their blizzard of wrongness.
Huh... Didn't know that. But it explains so much.
One of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I know, right? It's so uncomfortable!
Indeed. Almost every single day, I find myself stopping myself from blurting out a "shiny rock" to share. It's disheartening sometimes.
I mean, the real answer is for us to get around people who are tolerant of neurodivergents. Then our shiny rocks would be allowed. But it's hard for anyone to choose their social circles.
I hang out in a space full of neurodivergent people who are constantly sharing their shiny rocks. In the first few years it was pretty awesome, I was learning a lot. Lots of practical things relating to the scene.
Now it’s become this thing where I can see it happening almost before it starts. And it’s exhausting in part because I know the information now. But more so, it’s exhausting because it’s so clear how it’s shallow social interaction. It’s not the deeper discussion or human connection I’m after.
The nature of the space, the scene, means there will be lots of people like that all the time. Sharing their shiny rocks instead of themselves.
It’s not so bad one on one, at all, I can manage it and I can help encourage them. But when there is a gaggle of people exchanging all their shiny rocks I just don’t know what to do.
Like you said, it’s hard to pick your social circles. And my tolerance and understanding here seems to draw more rock collectors near. And their piles of rocks push others way from my circles.
Yeeeeaaaaah... I can see that. All of it.
That does sound tiring, man. Sorry you've found yourself in such a situation.
But also.............. what's one random, interesting thing you learned from the group? (sorry)
Oh, no worries. I just hope my description is relatable to someone and extends what you said. I think it’s an interesting framing, especially for someone new to conceptualizing this sort of thing. Giving them a framework.
I’ve frankly learned a lot about game engines, 3D modeling, and coding via these groups. The illumination of all the systems behind the scenes is what has been most valuable and interesting. I’m having trouble pinpointing one thing. 😅 There is a lot of “trivia” or arbitrary facts to learn when dealing with game engines.
Edit: Also, I don’t mean to be negative or paint any groups with a broad brush. I just happen to be in a scene where neurodivergent people are highly concentrated.
Ah...
Well yes, your response did extend things quite nicely. I, for one, found it fascinating.
Thanks!
Yeah, game design does sound like a pretty vast and complex topic. I can see it being tricky to just grab one thing without needing to explain a dozen other things.