Now that some time passed I realized I mostly needed to get the shit oit of my system.
There is not much context to what I so I guess I'll add one in an edit.
I'm not asking you to take a side, it doesn't need to be a side. I admit the consequences of the shit I threw on myself. We're both at fault for different things relationships work like that. I shouldn't have done the trip I was already on my limit in more than one way. She shouldn't have thrown all the shit onto me with an "or else". There was no need to be so mean about some things, that puts me under stress and I fuck up double onto it. IDK maybe I'm nust an idiot or adhd I swear I checked the schedules but now turns out they were wrong. I need help I admit. I was onto therapy last year but some BS bureocracy got me out of it I should had got another but needed the money for the trip and other shit so I procrastinated it. We were just delaying the breakup rather than giving us a chance. I'm not saying this with Monday's newspaper at hand. I had my doubts before and tried to dismiss it. That was the first mistake and all the ones that came before they gone in money and emotional damage. I feel like shit I owe up to my mistakes I don't want to think that I deserve it, no one should feel miserable like this. But I admit my part and will try to learn... I'm tired as fuck...