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Are we neckbeards?
(hexbear.net)
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this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2023
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chapotraphouse
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I hate living in a world of symbols
Like having to be constantly aware of when sign represents some seemingly unrelated essence, whether the user intends it or not.
See someone with a fedora and neck beard and it's supposed to mean they're misogynist.
My choice of masc or femme clothing sends a signal of my identity whether I want it to or not, and there's no such thing as a neutral base that sends no signal, like if I put no effort into it I still send a signal, I'm just unaware of what that signal is. Everything is this-coded or that-coded and to try to be not-coded is a statement rather than a lack of one. There's no such thing as a non-statement.
I just want to float through existence as a pure essence, interacting with other pure essences.
Feel this super hard
Body image issues always led me to conceptualize myself as an entity inhabiting a body, the body being incidental. And yes, I know my mind is an emanation of my body, but it's still primarily a vehicle for my soul. I want to meet other souls.
I also felt this way until I started getting myself involved with physical exercise, and now I kinda feel more grounded in myself.
That might help you.
Oh I feel very much in touch with my body now, chronic pain forced me to do that against my will. I do exercise, though not enough. Honestly a thing that helped a lot more is being okay enough with myself to get out there and attempt dating again, and starting to notice trends among the compliments I get. Taking better care of myself now.
Still wish I could escape this body though, and get one that doesn't hurt all the time and still has hair. Or to go full AdMech. To embrace the strength and certainty of steel, and aspire to the purity of the blessed machine.