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this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2023
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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Twice. As a teen, I was extremely sensitive to the point someone made a joke and I couldnt stop crying got called home and hid on the bus the next day because I couldn't go in. My mum was trying to cheer me up because she's great and she casually said " why do you care amongst a bunch of other things' I'm not sure why it clicked in my brain. It obviously wasn't the first time that had been said to me but after that I became incredibly desensitized to emotion. I couldn't care about others outside of a few people, I enjoyed company but any problem people had would go in one ear out the other. Because of this I lead an incredibly selfish life. I never even considered dating or hooking up with people because it was too much effort. I only cared about my own amusement and stopped cooking, cleaning, etc.
One night in during COVID I was lying in bed and the thought of death crossed my mind and I felt that switch again and I realized extremely vividly I am afraid of dying. Had a panic attack, was constantly stressed, realised in the next week that I want more of life, I want to get married and have kids. I want to improve myself. At age 29 I have decided to try push myself into the dating scene even though it will be stressful and I'm scared, I have created a cooking and cleaning regiment, I have been working out. I have been planning, and my empathy is starting to return.