male presenting anglo canadian here, every interaction i have ever had is in some way tinged with white supremacy and male privilege. i've been treated better and assumed by default to be more competent than non-whites pretty much every day.
also like have you ever talked to another white person? if a white person or man talks to someone they assume shares their values they say the worst shit. i thought it was funny when libs were condemning trumps "locker room talk" defense like it's so unbelievable to them that men would discuss sexual assault like that in a male space. "i've never heard anything like that in a locker room." you are lying. most white men are thinking and saying the worst possible things at any given moment.
non-white people can tell by the way they are treated by white people and western society that white supremacy is the thread that binds the western world together. but if you look like them, they will just tell you straight up their terrible ideas assuming you will agree. if you cant figure it out when you actively benefit from it daily, if you cant notice that you're being held to a different standard by other white people daily, if you cant figure it out when they LOOK FOR EXCUSES TO TELL YOU, than i dunno how much self-crit is gonna help. at that point it seems like an empathy problem
if you identify as an anarchist or a communist and also identify with your whiteness, you missed something, probably a lot of things, along the way. try to be more perceptive geez.
love to my comrades of every skin colour and gender identity, death to the first world and any framework including race used to justify it
Yeah hearing stories like yours is like hearing from an alternate dimension or something. I grew up in a town where the Klan still exists and actively does stuff. My parents would openly scream the n-word when they learned my sister was dating a black guy. Even the more tolerant people from my childhood would still occasionally complain about black and creole people.
Even as an adult I'm still very wary around white southern people and I think I always will be. If it means anything I'm told that even within my hometown, I had a particularly racist upbringing because I came from one of the more stable families in the town. There was a correlation between how stable/wealthy your family is with how racist they are, probably because your stability also correlated exactly with how white your family is. A lot of people in my hometown came from a mixed creole or cajun background, lots of people had family trees that would swing into native american too and they'd drive out to reservations for family gatherings.
So in a sense with your family upbringing, they believed structural racism was over. My hometown racists also believed that, but they believed they needed to reconstruct structural racism, since they thought they were living as the lingering remnants of a dying pure white race. These people would sincerely believe they needed to revive the cause of the confederacy. I can't express how much I despise the poison of racism and privilege that infects even tiny places like my hometown in the backwoods of nowhere. White supremacy is so entrenched into every atom of social existence in western countries that we need some serious decolonization to even move forward an inch.