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this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2023
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My baby boy, I’m so glad I get to share what’s worked for me.
My younger peeps seem to thrive on mentorship and coaching. If you don’t already do 1-on-1s (even just meeting every 2 weeks), I recommend starting.
During that time, ask each person what their honest career goals are (even if they involve working elsewhere) and then help them gain the skills they’ll need to achieve those career goals. It’s their responsibility to do the work, but you’re the one helping them stay on track towards the things in their life that matter to them.
I’ve helped folks with all sorts of things from time-management to negotiation to coding to project management.
A tool I’ve found invaluable is the book “FYI: For Your Improvement”. It’s basically a manual for helping improve soft skills. I recommend getting an older version that’s cheaper.
Using this philosophy, I’ve only had folks leave my teams because of pay (which is something I don’t control and am constantly in contention with my company about). I’m still in contact with most who’ve left and one if my former peeps even got me a new job one time.
Yeah, this. I lean heavily into coaching, which is specifically helping them apply skills they already have to a problem.
I also draw clear lines between what I can help with and what I need to do for the company, and try my best to display when I am fighting for them and when I cannot. Building trust is a key part of the relationship, and having suspicion that you are two faced kills it dead.
With this and the other things mentioned, I too have only had peopae quit because of money, and in one instance he came to me to ask if he should do so (we talked it out without me giving any advice, just comparing opportunities)
Note:
just like you council people out when they underperform for your org, council people out when they can no longer grow or advance. Those people will also be unhappy over time, and create drag on your whole org. Make opportunites to grow, to grow elswhere in the company, and finally at other companies
Imagine a team lead calling other businesses for opportunities for you because you've hit the glass ceiling at your work.
Does that seem impossible? implausible?
For most, yea. Yes it does. Losing a valued member at a company will cost a company, sure. But when that member goes and works for competitors with that experience to tell, your stock amongst peers shoots up 1000%. Reputation like this is from principle, not principals. It's an earned investment
If youve experienced anything like this, you know how memorable that exp is.
There are few things in life as meaningful as an advocate. And I mean that. Maybe one or two things best it. It's that important to all life as it is experienced. If the word doesn't mean much to you - and to most it doesn't - rethink what you know about it. Refamiliarize yourself with that knowledge sphere. Imagine challanging situations you've had in the past. Imagine someone there with you advocating for you. Imagine how that changes a situation. How it couldve changed the outcome. How it would've changed you.
Now imagine what it's like to BE the one advocating for someone else. The relaxed kind of pride when they succeed where they didn't think they could. The emotional warmth you feel from the fire of their happiness or achievement.
That's the supervisor to be. That's the coworker to be. That's the family to be. That's the person to be.
Any interaction, be it personal, familial, academic or professional, that isn't foundationally built from ideation of support, I suggest you remove from your life.
But to surround yourself in support means you've also got to be supportive. Hence; my take on advocacy.
That was kind of painful to read, knowing how much further along I could be in life if I'd had some support at some of the crucial points where my strength failed me.
Unfortunately, my experience has been that if you've been through hardship, people sort of pick up on that and regard you as damaged goods. If you're lucky they'll take pity on you, but more often they'll actively or passively try to shut you out. That goes for both the professional and familial setting.
Brother I've been thru my share, let me tell you.
Shit July 6th my home burnt down. Everything. Lost. Wife woke me up at 5am pushing me screaming FIRE
I look up, entire wall and ceiling are already burning. We run out, 60secs later the roof collapsed where we were sleeping.
That's just the latest of challenges this life has thrown my way. Clearly I'm playing the master quest. It's just back to back boss battles at this point with no time to heal or save in-between.
Yr first sentence is what led me to my advocating for advocacy. An idea that, might possibly be getting spread elsewhere, but it's entirely absent in my life.
And so, be the change you want to see, right? I've spotted a void, that means I also have a chance to fill it for those behind me. My personal ethos; I consider it an obligation to do so. If you spot the problem, you've also inherited the responsibility to act on it. Cuz fuck you entropy, not today.
You second thought I actually disagree with and I'll tell you the distinctions that allowed me to grow beyond that pov.
• No one can know everything, we aren't alive long enough, it's a physical impossibility. Be quick to admit your limits, and abandon wrong positions, without shame, the moment you know better. It's better to adhere to the truth than to your ego. You can't build anything solid off falsehoods, or ego. Any solid foundations are built off truth.
• Denying help from someone else does NOT make you look better, more competent or stronger. It makes you alone.
And forgotten.
No one, including you, will waste space remembering your misallocation of stoicism. BEYOND THAT; you actively harm your relationship with whoever offered, by refusing to allow for it to grow by accepting help. You also deny them the chance to be their best self, which I think we subconsciouly learn to resent people for. Accepting help, and legitimately offering it, is pro-social, which we humans are. Therefore, it's the only moral response (morality being entirely built of behavior that reinforces and strengthens the tribe).
• If you can't help yourself, help someone else.
• If your life sucks and you don't do anything about it, you are accepting the same outcome. "Better the devil you know" =bullshit. Accepting suffering will crush your spirit and kill yr soul. Depression, anxiety, all kinds of ways it will manifest. Doing something drastic that you have no idea how it will turn out =at least you have hope then. If known A = guaranteed suck. Unknown B has the chance to be better. It might not be, but when shit sucks does it matter what color the shit is? Go bravely into the night.
• It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees. You are who you are. You don't need any approval or acceptance to exist. Looking for it actually makes it less likely you'd receive it regardless.
With all that said there's finally this • When you arrive at rock bottom, no one else is there. And no one is going to help you while ur there. Until they see you climbing out. We've all been burned. We've all been taken advantage of. People naturally help in times of catastrophe. People WANT to help. But people, generally, are walking bags of Capitalism PTSD. It's like finding love, you only find it when your busy improving yourself. People want to be there on the accent.
Life teaches you how to discern, you develop eyes to only help those who'll appreciate it and not squander it. It's part of the wisdom that can only come with age.
I expause advocacy because those of us who can see it and appreciate it for what it is can help each other not have to slide so far back =itll speed up the progress of all of our individual journeys.
There's much more experience gained, imo, from helping others than receiving help. But Graciousness is often overlooked and it's a scalable attribute all in itself. We all need to sink more proficiency points into exercising Grace and being Gracious. All of us. Myself included.
It's no mistake that when we see mastery (of anything) in action we describe it as being Graceful.
I'm not sure if it counts but I regularly send positive feedback on my colleagues to my higher ups, mostly unprompted.
I'm not very knowledgeable or impressive in any way so I couldn't mentor or help anyone really, but the least I can do is give them a push in the right direction even if it doesn't affect me in the long run.
I've trained quite a few newcomers who have since risen above me in rank.
Of all the actions a person can do that lend itself towards engendering compassion, empathy or altruism there is none more so than effort.
Whatever you're doing, even if you don't know it all, even if it isn't the best, simply make sure it looks like you care.
Small things. Like putting a potted lavender outside your front door, or whatever. It shows your attention to detail that primarily effects other people. It makes you approachable. It's the difference between your neighbors knocking on your door when your too loud or them filing a complaint or calling the police, both of which could have ramifications down the line.
It's a soft skill, sure, but it greases so many wheels I can't even begin to detail.
My yard is kept tidy. It's not finished, sculpted, or anything much special. But it's on purpose. Not always clean, I usually have some construction or project I'm working on, but that's always temporary. Im generally reclusive. I'd rather build my stuff and sell what Ive made or build for someone else and be left alone. But I'm always offering to help everyone with their projects. Rarely taken up, but like clockwork, I always extend help.
My obvious display of care over what's under my supervision is, honestly, defensive. I get the benefit of the doubt. My neighbors don't sick code enforcement on me, regardless of what I'm doing (which is all within code regardless, but county given the call will come out, Everytime.)
Again, it's a soft skill. A subtle thing, but it'll help you stand out, unconsciously at the very least.
Yes, this. Younger millennials and gen z know better than any generation that their success, their boss's success and the company's success are three separate things. You're gonna have to give a shit about their success too, and in a tangible way.
Are you hiring?
Yes but only if you live in Cyprus....
Well, shoot.
I’m actually leaving management to be a sole contributor again :)
I theoretically have a 121 with my superior (who is over a decade younger than I am) every two weeks, but if it actually happens once every three months it's a lot.
The feedback from above is that people are supposed to "mentor each other", not to seek mentorship from those above you in the hierarchy.
The guy is honestly great so no resentment from my part at all, and neither are those his decisions to make.
But some actual mentorship and coaching might possibly help me get rid of my 8-year long stint with imposter syndrome, feelings of inadequacy, low pay and total lack of internal mobility within my near-decade in the company.
Great book recommendation! (My friend’s dad wrote it, but I still recommend it without bias.)
What I love about it is that it’s not something you have to sit down and read cover-to-cover. You pick a topic you want to learn more on and read 2-3 pages that give you guidance on what it looks like to be skilled at that thing, what the challenges are, and some activities to improve. Short and sweet. It’s a great length for my ADHD ass that can rarely finish a book that isn’t audio.