Okay lemme preface this by saying unker hyatt is also not the best at this. I'm in my early 30s (F), I'm not that great at small talk, I don't have fire one line starters (please share if you do, PLEASE), and I'm also really bad at returning texts, but when I am present, I am present, so take what I write here with a pinch of salt; it's mostly anecdotal but if anyone can relate, please validate my experience T.T
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The handsome offshore engineer or pilot from foreign country type
These have got to be bots, right? I've never stuck around to find out, but they often have very short bios and have horrible English despite coming from majority English-speaking countries. -
The level 40++ wizard type
Personally, I think I prefer having someone that has some relationship experience at my age. I don't think I have the energy to deal with the training wheels all over again and to be honest, I feel like men who's lived alone all this while would find it hard to have their routine, space and privacy disturbed. They've probably also settled in taking care of themselves that mentally it might not occur to them to extend the same care to their special other, especially after when the honeymoon period ends. Either that or they put you on a pedestal on the account of being โจ female โจ, which in itself is very very uncomfortable. Please touch some grass.. These types are also more likely to mansplain stuff to you, and somehow have developed very rigid ideas relating to "man vs women" type of stuff that often comes off very misogynistic, which makes me no longer wonder why they are still single at their age.. -
The dry talking type
Why. Like why would you not ask me some things as well? And why are you just answering questions with a yes and a no without elaboration? Why are you even on apps if you chat this way? Do you regret matching with me? Like what is it?? -
The over eager type
I'm not sure if this is gender specific, but I have a feeling it could have stemmed from just being jaded using these apps over time. I've had some chats where they just straight up ask to meet up from like the first or second chat. As an introvert I would hate to meet up with someone I haven't made sure we at least have something in common yet. Is it just me? I think it's super aggressive, or worse, it could be a MLM meeting! -
The no respect for privacy type
"Can I have your number? What company do you work for? Where do you live?" Bro... -
The want to hampsap but don't dare to hamsap all the way type
"Wow, your dress is so gorgeous.. hugs you in all the right places.. especially your.. ๐" -
The terus hamsap all the way type
"Greetings, here is my dick." -
The condescending type
"Aren't you flattered?" Uh, no. Bad way to start any sort of relationship when you make the other party feel like you threw them a bone. -
The time traveler's wife type
This one I am guilty of. Sure no one is "bad" at texting, but I'm really bad at checking my dating apps when there isn't any exciting chatter. I am also busy, but honestly I'm not even sure I would even if I wasn't. I've also had really nice chats where the guy replies like, in two days or more. That coupled with my own shitty tendencies pretty much sealed the fate of whatever potential that date could have I guess :/ When he does reply, I try my best to chat as much as I can because I don't know when is the next time we could again as soon as he disappears ๐ -
The bio don't match experience type
I'm not that great at small talk (in fact I hate it with a vengeance..) so I often start with information gleaned from their profile. Kinda weird sometimes when I refer to their job or something they said they enjoy doing and getting a "huh?". I'm still not quite sure what to make of it...
So yup, that's mostly my experience on dating apps so far. I've since taken a break from dating apps and choosing to take it easy instead. I dunno, it feels shallow and empty, and starting to feel like a chore at times.. and I'm not even doing it often, lol. I've met guys irl that I would have loved to date which I might not have swiped on from an app, and vice versa. I think meeting people in an organic setting feels more authentic, with or without romantic expectations. Just making friends, and just friends, feels way more satisfying tbh which was what I have been doing on the sub so far.
Now that we're on a new platform.. well I guess we'll see if I can make some here too :)
I'm older (F40+) and going through dating apps is a whole waste of time. It's mostly scammers looking for lonely older women to scam, and dudes who don't bother filling out their bios. Very hard to find anyone who would last more than a couple of days of "hi" and "how ru" back and forth.
The best match I ever had was in Singapore, while I was in the departure lounge at Changi. He started out strong, and the banter was great and we did exchange Telegram handles. But he stopped making effort to develop any conversations, and when I tried, he gave short answers that told me nothing about him. Now you'd think he wasn't interested but he was the one who initiates. Eventually I stopped replying to the uninspiring "hi".
My toxic trait is that if I'm busy, I ignore non-urgent or low-effort attempts to engage.
We share the same toxic trait ^^"
Should we try harder or is it asking too much expecting to vibe from the get go? I'd for sure initiate a chat if I thought there was some potential though. If I don't, I'm just lukewarm and thus I wouldn't purpose chat just to chat, but I still feel like maybe it's not "fair" to always expect men to be the one to always initiate the chat?
I don't believe in expecting the man to initiate, but based on my experience on Bumble, it's the same outcome after you allow them to speak. ๐ So in a way, I like that Bumble disconnects the match if there's no convo.
A conversation is a two-way street. If you find that you are initiating more or if he's not holding up his end of the convo (ie not asking open-ended questions), he maybe layan only. There's a limit to how long I'd play this game before I stop initiating.