So that’s the whole extent of your hurting others? That you don’t trust them and you think it’s the wrong call not to trust them?

I think it’s okay not to trust people. Distrust is a useful thing. Sometimes it might get pointed in the wrong direction but you can fix that.

Maybe you’ve had reasons to distrust people in the past. Maybe you still do.

If people put a lot of effort into you, does that mean they must be trustworthy? Maybe there’s someone who’s put a lot of effort into you, but they haven’t put a lot of effort into themselves to be the kind of person you can easily trust.

The main point is that you are allowed to trust according to your own model of trust. What you’re doing is called invalidating your own feelings, and you need to honor your own sense of trust and distrust. It’s not a disease you’re carrying it’s a natural part of your mind, and it’s a necessary part of being alive to trust and to distrust, and to make your own decisions about that.

Maybe someone has been guilt tripping you, and maybe it’s got your head all mixed up about whether you’re allowed to feel what you feel. That does happen sometimes.