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Anon goes to a bar
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2023
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You have to be willing to walk up and introduce yourself, and also willing to deal with the risk of rejection. That fear of rejection piece leads people to make decisions that protect their egos but also leave them lonely or isolated
Simple but not easy...
Really easy after enough practice to overcome that fear of rejection. But yes, someone who feels anxiety about the potential for rejection is probably going to struggle to just jump in and talk to strangers
I'm not afraid of being rejected I just can't do small talk. It takes me time to figure out how to respond to something which usually causes an awkward silence for others but I've gotten used to it. If I do go up to someone and speak chances r that beyond that first sentence that I had already planned out I won't be able to say anything else beyond "mmm" so how do I solve that?
People live talking about themselves. If you get them talking by asking some genuine questions, they'll go for it. Iirc this is a good video to explain it briefly: https://youtu.be/vU-ibdHkz4Y?si=AgoPUH873IjpYJ0a
Don't forget though, you're there to get to know folks. Not turn them into a science project or run a specific method. It's okay to stumble over words or say you've had trouble making new friends lately (and leave it at that). People like helping innately if you ask or are a little vulnerable
"Do you like toast too!?"
For me I frame it less as a fear of rejection and more of a fear of putting someone in the inconvenient position of having to tell someone to go away.
Tell me to fuck off and get lost to my face, fine. I'm the awkward extra wheel no one asked for in this situation, this is just an expected outcome. Tell me something I don't know, lmao.
But the thought that someone came to a bar to have a good time, only to be stained because some irritating creep (me) showed up out of the crowd and reached out unsolicited, well, that's what's soul crushing to me. The idea that my very presence may actively disrupt their night out makes me feel like an unwelcome prick just for being there.
Of couse, that's just a toxic fantasy I dreamed up in my own head. But so is just about any arbitrary mental barrier that prevents otherwise rational people from doing reasonable things.