320
‘It’s quite soul-destroying’: how we fell out of love with dating apps
(www.theguardian.com)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2023
320 points (91.9% liked)
Technology
59623 readers
1372 users here now
This is a most excellent place for technology news and articles.
Our Rules
- Follow the lemmy.world rules.
- Only tech related content.
- Be excellent to each another!
- Mod approved content bots can post up to 10 articles per day.
- Threads asking for personal tech support may be deleted.
- Politics threads may be removed.
- No memes allowed as posts, OK to post as comments.
- Only approved bots from the list below, to ask if your bot can be added please contact us.
- Check for duplicates before posting, duplicates may be removed
Approved Bots
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Weirdly, most of the dating apps don't really support ethical-non-monogamy. You'd think that'd be an easy source of repeat money. But ENM is a whole other tangent. People get mad about it.
This is good advice, too! I've encountered too-much text far less often than not-enough, so I didn't think to include it. Typically if I find myself wanting to write more than a couple sentences at once, I turn that into "I'd love to talk more about this on a date".
The last woman who sent me far-too-much text also sent me a completely generic opener. I think it was "What's the last piece of art that moved you?" This probably seemed smart and deep to her, but in my opinion it's not a good opener. It's generic. She could have sent that to anyone. Nothing on my profile indicates I have a particular relationship with art. Do not send a first message that could have gone to anyone. What you send should be particular to them.
Yeah. You need to give the message that you actually read their information and you're not just trying randomly to score.
Regarding your last two sentences: it's a chore to do so for 30+ women a day per appwhen it's mostly a negative feedback loop, the more you do it the more you hate that you're doing it because you're trying to be sincere and unique and you're not getting responses, you try to be generic and you get no responses.
If she has a very basic profile with just the basic info, the only thing you can comment on are the pictures (her) and her info.
It can definitely be a chore. And extremely disheartening. But that's the world we live in. And hopefully love in, as my phone autocorrect wanted to say. For you this might be the 20th original message you've written today, but for them this is their first impression of you. Make it count, or you're just self sabotaging.
Also, if you're getting 30+ matches a day, that's a good problem to have. I get like a couple a week, and about half turn into dates. Some I reject, sometimes they reject me. I'm a guy who doesn't date men.
But anyway, I don't really disagree but I always recommend when it starts to feel like a chore that you hate: take a break. The apps will probably always be here. Go outside. See your friends.
I also just don't bother messaging people who don't have anything in their bio/blurb to talk about. The rare times they message me first, it's almost always "hey" tier bad.
I'm not saying I get 30+ matches a day, I'm saying "I send 30+ messages a day on various apps, not just Bumble and get nothing in return". It's like applying for a job. It's spending $35/month in hopes that you get a response.