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this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy
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Though I've not dealt with alcoholism specifically, I've experience with very serious relationships that were 'good when they were good, but abusive when they were bad'. Relationships I stayed in for many years too many, because I loved her and I thought things could change. From my anecdotal experience, I don't think there's much you can do but tell her how her behaviour affects you, support her insofar as you're able, and hope that can inspire change.
Past that, I just want to say make sure you take care of yourself. It's a certain possibility that she will not meaningfully change. No matter how much you love a person, you should never feel obliged to put up with being abused, no matter how infrequently nor in what context. And doing so will help neither you nor her. Best of luck.