I'll start. They'll say:

• that they "listened to the community" (no, they didn't)
• that they never had the "intention" to kill third party apps (bullshit);
• at least three hard-to-prove claims, and at least three blatant lies, including the above;
• if spez is the one announcing it: something with the expressions "we snoos", "we stand together!" and "we're deeply [insert emotion]", trying to pretend that they relate to the userbase;
• corporate buzzwords trying to prove that green is purple;
• something like "it was our right to do it" (technically true), followed by a condescending bullshit like "we graciously reverted it. Nooo, not for the sake of our own pockets, but for the community".