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this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2023
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Masturbate, max out my credit cards on clothes and same-day sex toys, body hair removal, stab myself in the eye with mascara and eyeliner pencil, book tubal ligation, get period stopping birth control, septum ring, mani-pedi, smash gashes with lasses, fuck myself sore.
Day 2 would be a self-care day of cozy sweaters, cocoa, movies, and trying to vibrate my clit off.
You just described my weekends.
You really get it lol. Also, hope you don't wake up on the first day of the periods. Or the 3 days before. Or the 5 days during the period and 2 days after :)
Day one waking up with an axe wound would not be a great start. I'd probably just have to try out the massage setting on the showerhead and shove some paper towels up there. Then put on sweatpants and a hoodie then run to the store to pickup midol, period supplies, ugly underwear, chocolate, and a vibrator.
I can only describe my periods this way: like someone is twisting a serrated knife constantly in your belly (uterus). Up and down, left, right, up and down... It doesn't stop for 3 days straight...I'm really looking forward to menopause...no amount of painkillers help. But the chocolate and nice people does :)
Do you have endometriosis?
Yes.
Lol. Lmao. Just the rudest awakening not even 5hrs in.
Oh honey. You’re gonna learn lots real quick.
Same-day delivery. I considered saying "next-day" or "overnight sex toys from Japan", but the reality would be me being impatient.
That would be a Tinder hookup.