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Check on your male friends to see if they need help
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this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
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I used to be all feminism when I was younger. Now I have two kids, I realized man do a sht ton of things without being recognized. It's always that "you are the man, you are supposed to do it" kind of thing. But when it's the other way around like when I asked the ladies what about their "women duties", it's all excuse and argument. It can suck balls being a responsible man.
You can be both a feminist and recognize that men have major struggles too, they're not mutually exclusive
Also, isn't that still under the umbrella of feminism? Feminism isn't "only women rule". Recognizing gender stereotypes affecting men's mental health sounds very much like a feminist thing.
Nowadays this seems to really be the case. Not only do "only women rule", it becomes "men suck" as well. See the recent "I hate all men" thing, as an example. There's some people who say it as a joke, but there are tons who actually believe it, and worse, act on it.
I'd say misandrism isn't really as "mainstream" as it used to be a few years ago. Tumblr used to be misandrism central and now you have posts like these. Even now when someone makes sexist comments about men, a lot of the time they happen to be TERFs, further demotivating new people from agreeing with them.
Yeah, currently you can still find misandrist groups, but they are either confined to twitter (either crazy twitter randos or influencers) or to niche communities that have isolated themselves from the world.
Other than that, there's still the ever present sexist jokes, stereotypes, etc against men that have ingrained themselves in society, but also seem to be dying out too as new generations grow. I wouldn't really consider it a rising problem unless there is some female Andrew Tate brainwashing teenagers on this side too.
Egalitarianism > all other isms. Except autism. autism trumps all.
Well, yes, but they're still not mutually exclusive. For example, I like apples but I also like other fruits as well. Me liking all fruits doesn't override my liking of apples.
I felt very much the same way when I was trying to figure out what was going on and what I believed. What I ultimately landed on is that feminism is really the only game in town when it comes to identifying what is actually happening. I found Bell Hooks' The Will To Change immensely useful in sorting it out -- it's not men vs women, it's the patriarchy vs all of us. One thing she wrote in that book that really resonated with me, and is basically what this post is about, is something along the lines of "the first act of violence that patriarchy demands of men is the destruction of their own emotional selves."
Oh man do I feel that quote at the end
"Man up", "Boys don't cry", "Grow a pair", and so much more (and worse)
Not only coming from the men in my life but the women as well. My grandmothers were particularly bad about it.
And it started as early as I can remember.
The destruction of the emotional self. Being told the only emotions men are allowed to feel are anger and content.
I'm going to have to check out that book, I think it will help being able to bring my thoughts on the matter into a more easily communicable way.
Sounds like you didn't stop feministing, sounds like your feminism just got more humanizing, nuanced, and inclusive rather than less.
TBF…
On average women do more things like give up careers for child rearing, still do tons of daily drudgery like family organizing, housework, Dr. appointments or school activities, cooking, etc. that all goes unrecognized. Dudes go out and do some yard work on a weekend and then hit the couch like they moved the world and should be waited upon for it. I’m a dad and keep my damn mouth shut about my work because my other half has to deal with all the shit when I’m gone at work.
So unless you’re directly acknowledging, lavishing praise and love on all the thankless stuff your wife is doing, you don’t have a leg to stand on.
E: huh. Didn’t know this was a red pill /c. Guess men are justified in complaining while we ignore women facing the same problem.
Well, that seems unhealthy as hell as well. This is the whole stoic to a fault bullshit for both partners now. I'd say vent to your partner and let your partner vent to you about your shitty days. Why live your life together but not be able to share your burdens? Just my two cents though.
Why is working put forward as some sort of prize?
Because when you leave work, you generally don't have to keep doing it when you get home. Being a stay at home parent tends to be from eyes open to eyes closed kind of gig. There's a lot of planning that goes into every day, and some of it needs to be planned ahead of time. Things like dinners, for example. Or the doctors appointments someone else mentioned. Or that laundry needs to get done, dishes out away, shit I still need to go shopping for food for the next week, and while I'm out I need to fill this prescription, and after that I need to make sure I'm on time to pick the kids up from school. And once we all get home I need to make sure that they do any assigned homework or practice their instrument. And FUCK I FORGOT TO PULL MEAT OUT OF THE FREEZER.
Being the stay at home parent is a LOT of work... And it never ends. Parents don't get weekends off or union mandated lunch breaks.
And when the other half gets home from work, a lot of times the expectation is that they won't have to do much at home.
A lot of times going to work means you get to focus on something else and don't have to make all the decisions. The mental load gets shifted. You're getting told what to do rather than having to plan it all out. It's not always the case, but I'd argue that the majority of times it is.
And that's one of the things that can be difficult about being a parent and in a relationship. Making sure you're doing what you can to help lighten the load on your other half. And hell .. I'd argue that should be the case regardless of your parental status. Always be trying to make life easier for each other. Don't ever let it be one way.
Maybe pre 2000s. NOwadays, man are very much involved in every aspect of the family if given the chance. I get most men still don't care but it's changing!
This might be a rare scenario. Both me and my wife work long hours. I am more in charge of the family, kids, chores, and fixing our house. She took everything for granted until one day I stopped doing chores that i have been nagging her for years to do so i can focus on issues surrounding the house(we own a large century old house) I am also the one on top of our kids health, diet, and education. Oh, I cook for the family. Sometimes I told her I am the MoM and the Dad and she's the friend. Friend can't raise friends.
Every time I confront the responsibility among us and that she should Mom up, my mom, her mom, and my wife starts accusing me for being difficult.
I had home cooked food on the table every night and I got no recognition from the 3 women in my life. When she made something once in a bluemoon, she got all the praise. My mom dare to gell me I gotta start cooking more for the family. Lmao. I can never win.