I cannot keep my job. Firstly because I'm on FMLA (unpaid medical leave) for a mystery illness and I cannot guarantee that, even if finally diagnosed, I will be recovered by the 12 week maximum allotted.
Secondly because we've put our daughter in online school due to severe bullying. The program she's in now is awful and I have to help her through her English lessons (she's in 7th grade and they're having her read 18th century texts). We're switching her to a new program next semester which requires a parent to be a full-time "learning coach" for their kid to keep them on track.
It's a terrible job. I absolutely hate it. The pay is low, the job is boring, my co-workers don't really care about my existence, and my bosses are friendly but unreasonable. The only thing I like is that I have a hybrid schedule where I can work from home for 18 hours a week. But spending the other 22 hours in the office sucks. I spend the whole time wearing noise-cancelling headphones just to get through the time there. I've wanted to leave this job for a good year now although I admit I wasn't trying very hard to find another one.
But I just can't bring myself to resign. I don't know why. Something is stopping me like it's the wrong thing to do. I know I will be happier even though we will be on a single income, I am doing the right thing for my daughter, and I have no idea when this medical issue will be resolved.
I was going to write the resignation letter last Friday. Every day I mean to write it and every day I just can't do it. I know I have to do it soon. Maybe even today. But something won't let me do it. My brain is telling me I can't quit.
Thanks for reading my rant. I don't know why I wrote it. I guess I needed to let it out to someone other than my wife and my boss follows me on non-anonymous social media so I can't really talk about it there.
EDIT: I wrote the email, showed it to my wife to see what she thought and sent it. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for a reply, but I'm shaking.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I wish I knew what was holding me back.
Change is hard, leaving an existing job for the unknown is scary. Even if you don't like where you are now, you at least know what it is like. Concentrate on the reasons you want to leave, not why you think you should stay.
That's true. I will try to do that.
I think this is very likely the reason OP feels the way they do. I just left a job after 2-1/2 years. I knew I didn’t want to stay there from the moment I started. It was an in-beteeen job while I looked for something better. I knew it, my bosses knew it. I was so excited about the prospect of finding a new job and actually doing something better with my life. However, the moment I actually got a job offer, that excitement turned to anxiety and dread. I was venturing into the unknown. My mind instantly shifted to focus on all the negatives of the new job.
Change is terrifying. So much so that sometimes we simply try to do nothing in order to avoid it.