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this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2023
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Do you say the same about IVF? Because your argument holds up equally well there.
Honestly, yeah, for the most part. I'm not going to tell anyone they aren't allowed to choose how they have a kid, and I'm not saying the people who go through so much effort to have a biological child are bad people or anything, but I wish more focus and funding was put on the foster system for kids who have already been born and need homes. I think adoption should be more normalized and adopted kids should be viewed as equal to biological children, rather than them being the second, less desirable choice for getting a kid. I think if less couples viewed biological children as the end-all-be-all then there wouldn't be as much pressure on parents to be fertile, resulting in less guilt if they don't happen to be fertile, and adopted kids wouldn't be viewed or treated like they're less important. The obsession with passing on a bloodline can create a very unhealthy mindset in people, and it often comes from the societal view that a biological kid is more your kid than an adopted one, and thus you should try to get a biological kid at any cost first before settling for an adopted one.
I'm not saying that nobody should ever have a biological kid or use IVF, I know there are lots of reasons to choose those options. I just think there should be equal focus and emphasis on supporting and normalizing adoption rather than putting so much more attention towards biological reproduction, which already gets all the attention, to the point of trying to achieve something that isn't particularly necessary. That's just my personal opinion on the topic at least.
Yeah I agree. I’m pleased to say I know a number of folks who’ve adopted. Some of them are gay men for whom biological children are much harder to come by.
As an aside, I think the appeal of biological children is partly “passing down the bloodline” and partly wanting to be there from the start, and know what genetic makeup your kid has to work with, and avoid potentially damaging early life trauma that may have left an adoptee without parents. But I think the adoption system does a pretty good job of informing parents of all that
There is also appeal in helping correct any early life trauma for someone and heal the world that little bit. And frankly with an adopted child you at least know you if they have major birth defects or diseases already, and you always take a risk with conception that your child might. I think there’s also appeal in skipping the body strain of pregnancy, and even the most difficult infant months, to be totally honest (having lived through them).
I didn’t adopt but my wife and I do support two overseas kids financially. It’s such a small and easy thing to do but it can make the difference between a kid getting a high school education and going straight to work at age 13.