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Ask Lemmy
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There's close to 30.000 communities on the Lemmyverse, most of them on servers/instances different than yours. You're on lemmy.world, one of the most "general" instances that took on a lot of the migrating users so there's going to be a more "reddit" style userbase there.
Check out https://lemmyverse.net/communities and look for other communities for your favorite topics. I'm sure you'll find different communities with different type of users. For instance, I browse !technology from several instances. Many of those communities I don't bother commenting in, simply because it's not my crowd. If there's a good post I want to discuss with likeminded people, there's always the cross-post function.
Yeah that's probably one of the biggest barriers to growth unfortunately, which is a shame because it's also potentially one of the best things about it.
With reddit I can just subscribe and unsubscribe to subs I like or don't, it feels like (comparatively) a lot of work to achieve a similar thing here and even when you've nailed it it's yet more work to have a discussion because users are spread so thin.
I think the sad reality is it's just not for me. Ironically this whole thread has been about as enjoyable as I've ever found lemmy though, actual engagement is what I want instead of outright dismissal and this thread is the most in depth discussion I've had in 5months here.