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Did you hear about the guy who was fired from the keyboard factory?
(sh.itjust.works)
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He said he had it under control, but when management zeroed in on keeping tabs on this guy, they noticed he was still missing shifts. When confronted, the guy escaped before they could Caps Lock him inside for further questioning.
I would fire him if he kept insisting on having his shifts under control. What absolute madman puts their shift under control?