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(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2023
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I literally asked my wife to marry me on the first date and she said yes. Getting right to the point is a woman after my own heart. Neither of us have ever dated before or, naturally, since.
We've been together for ten years.
We are also on the spectrum so that may have been a factor.
Yeah that was a major factor
I had food come out my nose when I read the last line of that post. Lol...phew...
Why marriage? Can't you just start living together first?
Asking someone to marry you on the first is just stupid. Many things could not work out and marriage is a big thing. Imagine spending time and money and then find out that you are not fit together. Then you live a miserable life or fill for a divorce.
We did--After we agreed to get married, because we were quite sure, but at the same time we didn't want to impose such a stark change right away in case the change would exceed one's ability to cope with change which could lead to panic, meltdowns, etc. Neither of us handle change very well. We didn't actually get married immediately of course. She packed up a pod and moved in next. It was months before.
We also talked about having kids right away. Not having them right away! But we talked about it immediately, I think like five minutes in, because isn't it important to know?
As a counterpoint: nothing in life is without risk. I've seen friends take it slow and end up divorced, too.
The tax benefits tho :o
No kidding. My employer has top quality health insurance too, and in the USA that's a seriously big deal when your prospective partner has a health condition.
Or not marry at all?
i wish i was on the fios instead
Many guys don't realize but a spectrum lady is perfect. They get to the point, tell you when something is wrong, and are excellent listeners. They also have incredibly complex hobbies that seem really simple, like knitting or baking, that can pay off for helpers around them as snacks and gifts. If you ever felt you didn't find the person who speaks to you, think different.
As someone married to a spectrum lady, that description is absolutely not universal.
As someone who is a spectrum lady, yeah, we're not a stereotypical monolith..
Except for trains, right?
Yeah my wife has been playing minecraft for two weeks lol. Someday she may pick up one of those valuable hobbies, but idgaf and I’m not betting on it
And yeah, don’t skip on autistic women, I love two, but don’t fetishize them either
Oh, the old "I know somebody with X so everybody with X is the same" ...
Those attributes are an important part of what I like about her! Very direct, very plain to a fault. She has never and probably will never have an interest in playing interpersonal games. Zero drama. Loyal, because she doesn't like change. She's obsessive in her interests meaning we both easily get sufficient time to be our own person.
Sure, she's exceptionally sensitive about certain textures and sounds, but I understand because I'm the same way. Meeting her was like living a life where everyone speaks this language that I just wasn't born with, and finding someone else who is just as confused as I am was really validating.
So yes, I suggested that we marry, and she says yes you will suffice... which is perhaps the highest compliment she has ever paid me.
I was happy for you until that last line...oof.
Haha, well, I told my family that a person has to get to know her. She seems bitter at first but that's just how she is. Besides, they don't have to live with her. I do.
Not using her outward appearance, countenance, or facial expressions as indicative of her true feelings is part of the package. It takes getting used to, and it's not right for everyone.
"Sufficient" is her elation.
FWIW that totally made sense to me. When I read that, I caught my breath or my heart skipped a beat or something.
It sounds like the important missing context is that no one else had ever been sufficient before
Well shit, when you put it that way
Ok, but what about the most important thing? Are they freaks 😈
Gross
100% they thought they were being progressive with that take.
What is 'manic pixie girl' lol; dont objectify/generalize your partner, especially a neurodivergent one.
What in the world is a "spectrum lady". I have some friends who'd be interested in this adjective being assigned to a lady!
Jesus
I think that I rather get to know someone better though 😅