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After a lifetime against, I'm considering joining social media. Any advice? (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago by Nobody@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I've never had a Facebook account or any other social media. I know they keep shadow profiles, but I've never given permission. I never had any interest and frankly still don't.

The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up. When someone tries to check me out, there's nothing there and apparently that's considered abnormal these days. I think it's starting to affect my life negatively for various reasons I'd rather not get into.

I'd just like some advice about where to start if you wanted to dip your toes in and check it out. LinkedIn, maybe?

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[+] FoundTheVegan@kbin.social -7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

As a woman who was single and dating, saying you don't have a social media is a red flag. Best case scenario, you truly don't and it's probably from having some sort of arrogant judgement value about people who do, worst case, you have a spouce you are hiding from me.

Either way, not worth the risk. Like all the women I know feel the same. Sure it's a historically newer redflag that didn't exist 10-50 years ago, but neither was worrying about crypto gambling and manospehre BS. Modern problems require modern precautions.

[-] krellor@kbin.social 0 points 10 months ago

I love that your post gave a probabilistic binning of someone who doesn't have a traditional social media account, which was unironically confirmed by people replying with rustled jimmies.

Come on folks, it should be clear from context that she is saying that a single woman setting up dates is going to use what limited info they have to avoid stalkers, cheaters, red pillers, and anti social people. That this might filter out perfectly normal people along with the creeps is the cost of maintaining safety and not wasting time, which is pretty much par for the course in dating. There's also a difference between exchanging info after a brief meeting, and actually knowing a person for an extended time and then dating. I doubt OP is saying that someone they studied with for three semesters would be excluded for lack of social media, because they have real life context and don't need the proxy filters.

Also, getting real close in these replies to "but I'm a nice guy" and "I'm not like other girls."

[-] Hate@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I just think it's quite funny that in their justification, they project their own arrogant judgemental attitude towards those they justify their own behavior against.

[it's justified because] best case scenario, [the reason why] you don't [have social media] is probably from having some sort of arrogant judgement value about people who do

seriously? I think that's where people disagree.

it'd be different if they said:

a single woman setting up dates is going to use what limited info they have to avoid stalkers, cheaters, red pillers, and anti social people. That this might filter out perfectly normal people along with the creeps is the cost of maintaining safety and not wasting time, which is pretty much par for the course in dating

but that's not what they said, and that's not what people are responding to.

Imagine if some guy said:

"honestly, dating women who have social media is a red flag, at best they're probably attention whores, but there's also a good chance they're a cheating slut."

now imagine if someone responded to the "rustled jimmies" with

well, obviously they meant ((something else))

same thing, they should've said that then

[-] krellor@kbin.social 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I don't disagree that comment OP could have phrased it better and come across as less judgey. And I think that of someone like you left a well worded reply to the effect that it would be very fair feedback.

At the same time I feel like some of the comments she has gotten are living down to the less generous version of her statements. If that makes sense. It also sort of feels like people wallpapering over the underlying reason that many women look for social media participation, which is as a way to vet for safety reasons.

But I agree, it's not good to typecast and overgeneralize, and a better suggestion to the post OP might be that some women look for social media accounts for safety reasons, if that is part of your social issues mentioned.

But I digress. Have a great day!

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this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2023

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