We have an old bamboo cutting board that my wife bought and it’s been through Hell. It also bears no known emotional or sentimental value (which we’ll get to). Now, it’s all scarred up and soaked in all the odors and stains from years of abuse and neglect. It was also too small, and I always wished it was bigger.

I received a new, XL bamboo cutting board, which was at the top of my wishlist. It was perfect! I bought a fancy oil for it and everything. Then, I tried to lay down some ground rules with the wife for proper use and care of the board to prolong its usefulness by years.

My wife took it as a personal attack that everything she does is wrong. The replacement of the old board was emotionally taken as a replacement of some part of her. Then, she cried. The matter remains unresolved and the board will eventually make its way to either the trash or a new home because it’s now associated with some level of perceived scorn. All I wanted was something nice and to keep it nice. Fuck me, right?

Now, I want to cry.