To add a silly post I made on Tolkien reddit a while back that I'm proud of, here's me as Tolkien reviewing the George Foreman Grill:

Draining the fat from meat with this electronic contraption, promoted by a shameless pugilist with no discernible culinary pedigree, is simply a senseless waste of time and human comfort. I'd prefer a four man grill where a giant boar is roasted on a spit over an open flame. The boar requiring two men to rotate over a such a period it would require two other men to turn the spit while the first men rested. They would turn the spit in shifts, two man by two man until the boar was sufficiently roasted and then would be delivered to the local magistrate who would eat it whole. -letter 420 to Guy Fiere