in this context, i meant it as "paradoxical". since i can work hard and persevere, but i'm also a bit lazy about it all. Like, have you ever dropped your phone on the floor when lying in bed and come up with some absurd bodily contortion to reach it without physically leaving the bed? But you could have just gotten up and grabbed it and laid back down in much less time with much less energy spent overall? That's the kind of diligent slothfulness that I am quite prone to.