this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2024
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Mildly Infuriating
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Never be angry. Be patient and supportive. Don’t let frustration escalate.
For an adult? Nah. You can certainly kindly let them know that this isn't really gonna work and explain why (and let them know you appreciate the effort), but the rest of it is way overkill and could easily be seen as patronizing, imo. They're an adult, not a 13 year old.
Also, I interpreted the OP as finding it humorously absurd (which it is) rather than being frustrated or anything.
As the parent of a 13-year-old, that wouldn't work either. They'd just pout and tell you that you think they can't do anything right.
Not that getting angry helps, that makes it worse. Bargaining can work though. Promising bubble tea from a local cafe if they do it right goes a long way toward committing a teenager to education.
This method of bribery also works on supreme court judges.
What you described just now is known in teaching circles as a “fixed mindset”. A person decides they can’t do a thing because that’s just how things are. No two people are the same, but you might be able to foster more of a “growth mindset” by continuing that conversation…
“No, don’t sell yourself short. This is just something you’re not good at yet. Come on, let’s see how we can do this better together. It’ll only take a minute.”
I'm pretty sure it's what's known as being a teenager considering it's the way most teenagers I've been around, including myself and my friends when we were teens, act.
Yeah, I was that way with many things as a teen. I still get that way as an adult. I don’t like cooking because I’m intimidated by the effort, and I often tell people I don’t cook well. It’s a fixed mindset. However, I have a student from Poland. She took a family pieroski recipe from her grandmother, translated it into English, and gave it to me because it’s her favorite dish, and she thought I should try it.
Obviously, I had to do it while my wife took pictures. And you know what? They turned out pretty good! In fact, I’d like to do it again, and I think next time I can do them even better.
I think the biggest challenge to fostering a growth mindset is overcoming reluctancy to just try. As a teacher, it’s something I try to listen for from my students.
If the goal is to get them to load it correctly, the way the top level poster describe is far more likely to be successful than this. Once someone feels attacked, and telling them 'you're doing it wrong' is most likely to be received as an attack, they go into a defensive mode and will become mostly unreceptive to any further suggestions from you because they will be too busy trying to defend themselves.
You’re absolutely right. In the case of an adult, I’d just take more of a stance of, “look at this crazy thing that happened! lol! Omg I wonder what went wrong” and try to elicit her awareness that way. Then teach through soft suggestion, “maybe we shouldn’t XYZ, huh. Crazy.”