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this post was submitted on 25 Feb 2024
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What.
Remarkably commonplace issue we have here. Happens to the best of us. First, you're managing a funeral home like any other member of society. Then, one November not quite enough people die, you can't quite make the bills. It'll be OK, you tell yourself. Il just pay the crematorium their fees next month, it'll be OK. There's a second crematorium down the street anyways, I'll just send my biz there.
Well crap, people are living longer. Still can't pay that bill. Next month. Meantime, I'll head to the third crematorium. I'll push back on the electricity bill in the meantime and use the credit cards!
It's been six months. I still haven't paid these guys. Now they won't take new bodies. They're on to me, I'm on the crematorium black list. Ugh. Shit, what do now? I'm sure I'll have the funds next month. In the meantime, just leave this body in the hearse we no longer use...
We have some leftover ashes, we can split those up into these nice urns and just tell new customers that these belong to their loved ones! They'll never know the difference!
Then the cops showed up, weird
I'm imagining a movie based on these events, played out as a comedy of errors. Probably in too poor taste for the major studios.
This summer... we're putting the fun in funeral
It'd be like Pain and Gain. Throughout the move they would have to keep reminding the audience that it's based on true events.