843
Left-Wing Group Too Disorganized For FBI Agents To Infiltrate
(www.theonion.com)
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
As of last month
Even directly assaulting cops got these fuckers below average sentences, let alone the literal act of trying to overthrow democracy.
Just got to be on the white side of the aisle
When I was teenager, I got a speeding ticket in a different state and ignored it. Several months later, I got a notice that my home state was going to suspend my license over it unless I dealt with it within a month. Because I had skipped my court date, the only way I could do that was to drive 10 hours, show up early to court, and request that the DA and judge add my case to the docket.
So, I drove overnight, showed up early, and they agreed to hear my case. In the state I was in, at triffic court they have you stand in line and when you're 3rd in line the ADA asks your name and pulls your file to the top and the DA then reads the charges out load when it's your turn.
As I'm next in line, the DA starts reading the case of the person in front of me and it's almost identical to mine. We were both clocked going significantly over the speed limit (I was actually going slightly faster), we were both from out of state, and we had both failed to appear to our scheduled court date. The judge hit him with a $200 fine and $150 court fee that would be reduced to $100 if it was paid on the spot in cash. I began to panic. I only had $250 until my next paycheck and my license was due to be suspended before then. I could barely hear the DA read off the details of my case over my pulse in my ears. The judge listened then announced my fine: $75 plus the court fee.
The only difference between myself and the person in front of me was our race. Yes, we were in a southern state and, yes, the judge was an old, white man.
Not to defend these guys, but be careful when using statistical averages and drawing conclusions from them when you dont have the other contextual data.
Like for example sentencing guidelines give leniency to first time offenders, so If the sample of Jan 6 traitors has more first time offenders than the nationwide average, then we would expect them to have a shorter average sentences. I cant read the article you posted so I dont know if this is considered at all.
That’s a valid point and one I hadn’t considered. I’ll certainly keep that in mind for future, as I do like statistical data.
Although I do find it reasonable in this instance to debunk the claim they received long prison sentences, as a handful of years is pretty short considering the severity of their attempted action.
Not awesome. But at least somewhat better than not being tried at all. Which is kind of what I expected going in.