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this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2024
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chapotraphouse
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Until you've got one person in the community who always says "No" to everything and another person who blatantly violates any kind of good faith efforts at compromise. Living together in close quarters with people of mixed minds is rarely easy. And while outreach is the first step, it isn't a panacea.
Sometimes you have to think a bit bigger than "Can I please do loud band practice in the space adjacent to the guy with a skittish dog?" Sometimes you have to talk about the idea of doing real communism - public band halls and practice rooms, improved insulation in buildings, an Apartment Stalin who will find and murder the guy who keeps spray painting over people's cars for the lolz.
I agree that talking to people is only the first step and that sometimes compromise is impossible. I think that discourse pictured in the OP is a waste of time because it doesn't consider the possibility of anything but a blanket-level set of norms. Either noisy or quiet, all the time and in every situation. Not every issue needs a structural solution: sometimes the neighbor brings their dog to the dog park every Saturday and you can have band practice then. Maybe they're cool with IEMs and an e-kit. Maybe practice needs to be at a different band member's place. I think that talking to your neighbors is the first step to things like a tenant's union asking the landlord for better insulation in the walls, or working together to find the guy who keeps fucking up their cars.
Every situation is different, but it's always been that easy for me. In my various small apartments I have never encountered a persistently anti-social neighbor. We bring each other misdelivered mail, feed pets while the other is away, shovel their walk, etc. I think that bad neighbors get over-represented online and most people want to be nice.
I've had a lot of mixed experiences. My current neighborhood is incredibly pleasant and friendly, but the development of adjacent lots is periodically performed in the most obnoxious and intrusive manner seemingly possible.
The various apartments I've lived in have had lots of very pleasant neighbors. But a few really annoying ones stick out in my brain - we had a guy high on mushrooms screaming at the top of his lungs at 1am one night "They're trying to kill me!" over and over again. A not insignificant amount of drama really did just boil down to the quality of the construction. Thin walls versus thick. Open hallways versus covered. People throwing big parties at the community swimming pool who were happy to have someone come by, versus folks who gave you dirty looks if you so much as crossed through the space.
The impact of a bad neighbor is far more pronounced than the impact of a good one.
Its definitely always helpful to reach out and be a friend. But not everyone has your good fortune.