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A Tumblr post by user homunculus-argument that reads:
Was talking with my therapist about how it's possible to completely lose one's own identity to people-pleasing - when you grow up being constantly preoccupied with concerns about what other people want, and the ideal outcome is always whatever makes everyone else happy, it's possible to simply not learn to know yourself at all. If the only thing you've ever strived for in life is to make everyone else happy, you just never pause to think what you want, or what you would enjoy, independently from anyone else's desires.
As an example of this, I recalled that for the longest time, I just didn't listen to music when I was alone, because the thought never occurred to me. I didn't have my own taste in music, I was fine with listening to whatever the people I was with wanted to listen to, but whose music would I be listening to if I wasn't with anyone else? She thought this was a great observation, and gave me a homework assignment to find a song I like, just on my own and for myself, and show it to her next week.
So I guess my therapist is about to learn about the existence of mongolian folk metal.
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I mean, I didn't develop my own musical taste until my mid-20s. My parents only played Christian worship music, while all my friends in highschool and university were various flavours of music snob. I was literally convinced that no one actually liked pop music because everyone I knew seemed to hate it.
I don't know if I was ever a "people pleaser," in that I never pretended to like a band or song just because everyone else did. However, I definitely avoided saying anything negative about the music I was exposed to for fear that I'd be ostracized all the same.
It took me a long time to overcome all that, and it took even longer to admit my tastes publicly.