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this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2024
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[Migrated, see pinned post] Casual Conversation
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I overheard some kids at the swimming pool playing rock, paper, applesauce. I was amused by the questions that brought up.
...Why replace the scissors when rock is clearly the weakest link? How does applesauce beat rock or paper? More importantly, what happened to these children that would even make them assosciate applesauce with rocks or paper? How do you even make an "applesauce" gesture with just your hand? Why play rock-paper-~~scissors~~ applesauce at the swimming pool instead of the dozens of pool-specific games already available? How do you fit a three-syllable word like /ˌap.ple'sauce/ into the one/two/two-syllable cadence of /ˌrockˌpa.per.'scis.sors/? Is it an inside joke? A warning of "don't play with scissors" taken too far? Have they independently developed the game of rock-paper-scissors from first principles and simply didn't consider scissors as a mechanic? Are they in a scissor-based cult and trying not to speak their Lord's name in vain? Why at the swimming pool?
I, too, am amused by these questions. That said, this is going to haunt me.
Well, paper really won't have the same utility once you introduce applesauce. And applesauce can't defeat a rock in a meaningful way.
You can cover a rock in applesauce such that no one wants to touch it. If you have the little plastic containers of applesauce, you could smash one of those with a rock. I'm not sure who wins....
Surely paper is the weakest link in classic RPS
Nah man, think about it, rock makes no goddamn sense from a lore perspective. Scissors cut paper, sure, I can see that as a win condition. Rock breaks scissors? I guess that's not wrong, but like, who's out here breaking scissors with rocks on the regular? How did the rock become the scissor's greatest nemesis? Then we get to the big one: Paper covers rock? You're telling me this is such a devastating blow that rock has no choice but to resign in disgrace? You really want me to believe that a fist-sized rock couldn't just plow through your standard sheet of 8.5x11" ANSI Letterhead like it's, well... paper? The whole thing is propaganda by Big Paper and they've got us drilling it into our kids' heads from day 1, and I'm not having it.