250
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
250 points (95.3% liked)
Asklemmy
44151 readers
819 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
I have a friend that’s always late, like literally always. I tried to put myself in his shoes because he’s got 2 small kids and that should be extremely exhausting, but I don’t think he even tries anymore.
I'm perpetually late. Trying to arrive on time to things I don't occupies so much of my head. I try to build in buffer time for emergencies. And every single time I'm still late. I don't even have two kids. If your friend is anything like me, arriving late fills him with guilt every single time, and the two kids are factors of chaos in planning that simply cannot ever be fully accounted for
Reframe the way you think. Stop trying to arrive on time, and just commit to arriving early. I've easily arrived an hour early to appointments and just lounged around on reddit or read a book. I'd rather waste an hour of my time, than 15 minutes of a friend's (if you have an appointment with a group, multiply time you are late by # of people).
This is what we mean when we say people who are constantly late don't care about wasting other people's time. Even if they don't intend it, they are still choosing to prioritise themselves over others.
An hour seems excessive but shoot for 15 minutes. That should be enough of a bigger in most situations.
I'm ADHD, I literally have to start preparing to leave an hour and half before I need to go in order to be on time to somewhere 15min away, and I'm still sometimes 10-15min late. Why? I have no sense of time, and I have been told that this is not something that I can fix. When I get focused on something, I no longer experience the passage of time. If I'm not focused on something, I can't get anything done.
I can't control this.
I've been told I shouldn't feel bad about it because I can't help it.
I feel horrible for it anyway.
Would aggressive alarms be of any help to make sure you can get unfocused from the thing you're focused on and moving to the "getting to the right place" part? I've "forgotten the time" when it's just me setting a time for me to do something, but when I need to be somewhere for/with others I make sure to set my alarms earlier and more of them to keep myself from having "just enough time". And I have to make sure I actually respect the alarms, I've made the error of thinking "I have 5 more minutes before I need to leave" so I just start leaving when the alarm goes off now.
I don't know your exact situation, so this may not be of any help, but it may help someone, somewhere.