I am feeling pretty detached at the moment. Figure I would use this space to think aloud.
I have been fighting with admin at my school for proper support for me as a teacher and for help fixing a broken program for my students. I got laid off effective the end of the school year. Think it might be because I was a pain in the ass, but I don't know for sure. I wasn't doing a great job because they overloaded me. More different classes than most teachers. Shit support.
Covid money ran out, they had to lay off some of the conditionally certified teachers and I was one of them. The timing was just... all my complaints, I they were making me cover a position that was vacant while doing my regular teaching, and the students were missing out. I don't think I could prove it but it feels like they got rid of me because I was not satisfied with their answers.
I can't bring myself to finish getting my teacher certification. I'd have to go out of county to teach.
I worked 10 years with the homeless, burnt out and fucked it up. Then 2 years working for a law firm supposedly helping people and figure out its just bullshit, helping people was incidental and barely helped. Worked for the cops supposedly helping addicts in person, they just wanted me to do data entry. No idea what I should do.
It took a lot of courage to get myself to try being a teacher. 3 years at the schools and now I fucking again have to figure out what to do all over again.
And I have to go into the school for over a month and pretend everything is okay. Fuck I hate this.
I'm not against it and I'm not above it.It just doesn't excite me. I've told plenty of students to go down that path.It's a great idea...
I mean if you are looking for excitement.. Maybe snake charmer?
Otherwise it doesn't seem like you are in a position to find happiness through your employment. It hasn't exactly 'worked out' so far, so maybe you should figure out why you are unhappy and then work backwards to what you want to spend your time doing. Like if being unhappy is what you enjoy, that's fine too, but be real with yourself. It sounds like you've driven head first into a couple walls at this point, and when alternative advice comes around your like "but that wont make me happy", well bro/sis/sib, neither did any of your other approaches. Maybe try something where you don't actually know what the outcome will be.