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submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by ZeroCool@vger.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical function,” said CEO Elon Musk, whose announcement came as a shock to the team of 500 Tesla workers responsible for the electric vehicles’ braking systems. “As the brakes never really worked anyway, we figured the team’s existence was redundant. Going forward, none of our models will be outfitted with brakes. Instead, we will shift our efforts to making fart noises louder.” At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.

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[-] karpintero@lemmy.world 51 points 2 years ago

Brakes just slow you down anyway...

[-] Beefytootz@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago

It's all a conspiracy promoted by big slow to sell less fast!

[-] ZeroCool@vger.social 4 points 2 years ago

You jest but you just know there's Muskrats out there that would say this without a shred of irony.

[-] GluWu@lemm.ee 0 points 2 years ago

I drive a 2 stroke Honda dirt bike without a rear brake and say that unironically

[-] YerbaYerba@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

I hope the front isn't a drum brake at least

[-] GluWu@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

Front disk is all I need. Rear drum doesn't work with the clusterfuck of different year parts its made from so I need $40 for a rear disk. Fuck that. I'd rather have 2 30 racks. That's more fun for more people.

[-] hsr@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 years ago

Drive fast and break things!

[-] GluWu@lemm.ee 3 points 2 years ago

Heeeeeell yeah brother

this post was submitted on 02 May 2024
699 points (99.4% liked)

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