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It sounds more formal than I suppose it really was I think. But, a few things were kind of baseline assumptions we worked from. No name calling or snide insults in a hurtful manner. That seemed to be a really core value. We allowed apologies when they were needed after an argument and we allowed them without any eye rolling or derision. We tried to go to bed without contempt...certainly we could be irritated, maybe angry but that didn't mean we didn't like each other so it was a sort of neutral ground, in a way?
Trying to explain it seems so contrived and cringe but in my head, and believe in hers as well, we had some idea from our parents what we should try to avoid and that was our starting point. Our parents provided a model of what not to have in a marriage and so we talked a lot about that, especially when we first met.
Also, no TV in the bedroom. Ever.
These are still the set of guidelines we follow now. Even without the pressure of children.