Hey. I was told having issues controlling anger or emotions in general can be related to ADHD. I know I get WAY angrier than anyone should ever be sometimes.
Especially when injustice and ignorance come my way. I get furious beyond anything I've ever seen or heard of anyone else talk about. Maybe aside from depictions of killers or berserkers in fiction. It's not cool.
Only a few times have I gotten in trouble for it luckily and I never actually done anything more than shout the most disgusting insults at someone.
Now I do feel bad afterwards if I got angry at someone I like. But often enough I feel they fucking deserved it. If someone is an ignorant asshole willingly ruining someone's day, week or life they deserve some ruin thrown back at them. I know this might not be a good and healthy thing to think. But if someone provokes someone don't they ask to be yelled at?
I know they do this to 'win the argument' because of that imo idiotic notion that who yells first is wrong. But honestly I rarely care to be right enough for shit to matter.
I've read a few books on anger management and some techniques help a bit. But the amount of anger described in the book seems so very mild to me in comparison to what I experience and how fast it builds up. One book told me to count to three. I am ready to launch nukes before I reach 1. That won't work.
And I don't get angry at something. I have pure rage and fury, hatred and contempt for existence itself at those moments. Angry really doesn't cut it. It's scorched earth, blown it all up and piss on the ruins kind of anger.
So anyone else experience this? Any tips to deal with this shit?
becomes an unskippable cutscene
I think I hate injustice. You know, a few months ago a lady kicked my dog because she thought he attacked her daughter -- he didn't. What happened was that my dog collided with the mother's leg while playing with another dog (who dodged mine) in a public park (full of unleashed dogs running around, owners present). As a result, the mother's leg pushed her daughter, and the mother's immediate reaction was to kick my dog. I mean, I kinda want to understand, but I don't, I really don't. Anyways, I quickly confronted the mother face to face -- who was distracted and missed what really happened, while I saw everything -- and my peripheral vision went black and her face became blurry. I think I repeated the same phrase, "Why did you kick my dog?", at least a dozen times while completely zoned out, full automaton style, for 10-15 seconds. I had never experienced anything like that before. I remember the woman whispered to me with a smile, "Hit me, come on, hit me if you're so tough". The fun part is that I'm quite muscular, so instead of empathizing with me and my dog, others threatened to call the police (what?) and wanted me to leave the place -- a public space. I tried to explain that I wouldn't harm her or anyone around (I'm generally a super chill person), I just wanted an explanation of why she acted violently when it was clear it was an accident, nobody was hurt, her daughter didn't even move half a meter and remained unharmed. But in the end I decided to leave the place, still filled with anger, because nobody was willing to listen and everyone was looking at me like I was a caged animal about to snap. That shit ruined my week.
Yeah that is the dumb "whoever gets angry is wrong" mantra I meant. It's an injustice in itself that is so absolutely stupid. It means if you hurt someone enough to make them angry, you win. What kind of behavior does that reward in society? Self-control by the person being provoked and being an absolute asshole by anyone wanting to "win" an argument.