Look I usually only lurk because im too anxious but I have to say something.

Your logic is the exact logic my neo nazi family use. (not an exaggeration, I grew up around the klan)

"If they act like an N word, why cant I call them an N word, its not like im racist, i call stupid/criminal/bad whites N words too."

So i think anyone who uses this logic to justify a slurs usage should take a moment for self reflection.

(This is coming from someone who is queer and will use queer slurs only in certain company, in private, where everyone involved is aware and into it. (and even then I get uncomfy, especially when im in a new group and I don't know people and they start throwing words around.))

(Also to add I was one of those "slow" kids who has alot of history with the cruel things my family and others called me.