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Are you mad at me?
(lemmy.zip)
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this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2024
852 points (98.6% liked)
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A one-off, or on occasion is fine; but having to constantly reassure someone that they aren't the cause of every single frustration you encounter gets extremely exhausting.
Repetition of needing to correct someone else's assumptions about my personal feelings is so frustrating.
Energy vampires
My mother. She made some bandanas for our dog, and gave them to us a week or so ago. We thought they were cool. Later, she said, "Sorry you didn't like the bandanas." I was like, "News to me, I thought they were great." "Well, they weren't what was expecting."
I didn't even bother mentioning it to my wife until yesterday, who, of course, was fine with the bandanas, as I knew she would be. During that conversation, my wife and I talked about how we need to constantly walk on eggshells around her, because who knows what she'll be upset about next. It's exhausting.
I don't know where my mother gets this stuff. The sad part is that this is actually one of the more sane incidents.
It's emotional abuse.
You say that, but there’s a flip side to this. I’ve been in an abusive relationship where my SO was always a hair trigger away from a full on apeshit moment. You find yourself (regardless of your confidence) wondering if you’ve annoyed them and after a while, you flinch at any shift in tone of voice. It can be a sign of abuse, but not just in the way you mention.
This meme is relatable but what you said is absolutely true. I've been at the barrel end of this psychological abuse. Of course, she was physically abusive too.
It doesn't matter if the behavior is the result of past trauma. Taking that trauma out on your partner by treating them like they're an abusive person is abusive.
The behavior being understandable doesn't make it alright.
Hold up... You're saying that being paranoid of being hurt because you've been hurt in the past is abusive to the person the one with trauma is untrusting of? 🤨
Yes. It's on you to manage your emotions. It's not alright to treat your partner like an abuser because you were hurt in the past. Trauma doesn't give you a free pass to treat people poorly.
The people downvoting clearly haven't been in a long term relationship with someone with severe PTSD. I'm going on 8 years, and while it's getting better, it's a huge struggle mentally to constantly be treated like you're a bad person through absolutely no fault of your own. I'm in therapy specifically because of it.
I have my own traumas from my past, but I work hard to not let it affect my relationship because it's not fair to my SO to take that trauma out on them.
You don't seem to know the difference between "difficult to deal with" and "abuse," or there's something else going on in your relationship beyond them just not trusting you easily. A difficulty or inability to managing emotions is also a symptom of certain traumas like PTSD so putting the onus on someone you know has this difficulty like that is in really poor taste and shows a lack of understanding.
No one is responsible for your reaction to your emotions except for yourself. If your issues cause you to treat your partner poorly, it's on you to address them.
Like I said at the beginning, having a reason for mistreating your partner doesn't make it acceptable.
Yes. Relationships are built on trust. If you won't trust your partner, you're not being a good partner to them.
so is a person with trust issues who really struggled supposed to just go and die alone?
this is just victim blaming
No, they're supposed to put in the work to move past it. No one is responsible for your response to your emotions but you.
They're supposed to date someone who can take it, if they need to date. But dating someone who can't handle it is abuse.
"if they need to date" bruh
then the person who "can't take it" has the responsibility of communicating it. Simply existing and having issues next to someone else is not fucking abuse. Why are you using that word so lightly
Because I've been abused by people who were like this. It escalated. I had PTSD so bad I couldn't work a full time job.
I'm sorry but you saying that you were abused by someone's trust issues sounds like you expected full devotion and full trust out of your partner which does not convince me to believe you were the victim there.
You clearly haven't been in a relationship with someone who has PTSD and takes their anxiety out on you. It absolutely takes a toll on your mental health.
the conversation is about trust issues, not ptsd or someone taking their anxiety on their partner
Trust issues are the result of trauma, and are a form of anxiety.